Learning to Fail

(12/13/21)

How do you move forward if you refuse to let yourself stumble? How do you learn if you will not allow yourself failure? When I think of my life and how I have handled things, I have found that it was the failures that made me think most. This post is written in part to share how accepting failure into my life has allowed me to keep moving forward, but also to show others that failure is nothing to fear. Allowing yourself to fail is allowing yourself to learn. 

Epictetus writes, “It is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows.” 

This statement rings especially true to those who are set in their ways. There is no way to be wrong, for they are always right. To those that may resonate with this, I ask you, why is being wrong a bad thing? I believe that in moments of failure, we have the opportunity to learn something new. Accepting failure as something good is a total shift in thinking, so when you make that shift, you will be opening yourself up to bounties of new knowledge, understanding, compassion… The list goes on and on.

I can apply this to my life, both physically, and mentally. For this, we will have to go back a bit, to about the age of fifteen. I was growing up and had a goal of becoming nearly, if not completely independent, by the time I graduated high school. For the most part, I had things figured out, but one, giant task remained: I needed to come up with a way to dress myself without the assistance of another individual. 

Fortunately for me, I had an amazing team of physical/occupational therapists and learning support teachers by my side throughout the years. I presented my goal to my team of thinkers, and together, we brainstormed many different ideas. When an idea did not work how we planned, it was back to the drawing board. Using trial and error, we could try our ideas, see what worked and what did not, and assess those things as best seen fit. After much thinking, failure, frustration, acceptance and bravery to keep going, I was able to dress myself completely by using a single hook in the wall. 

A hook, similar to the one I use to dress myself.

I shimmied my pants just past my knees, so that I could lift my waistline to the hook. At the hook I will loop the belt loop and crouch down, thus pulling my pants up. My body type is slender, making it able for me to slip into clothes without needing to button or zip anything, so I was golden. Now, onto the shirt…

Looking back, I am forced to remember how long this task of dressing myself took. My first time took me just over two hours to complete. By the time I was finished, not only was I sweaty and tired, but also proud and determined to do it faster each time. Today, nearly seven years later, I can dress myself in under five minutes. Seven years of accepting this method - my method, and having the courage to keep going, even in times of failure. 

As previously stated, failures have shown me the way mentally, just as it has physically when getting dressed. It was my failures and wrongdoings that would shed light on things that needed to be changed. I can think back to about this time one year ago, when my thinking and behavior was very inconsistent. My expectations were delusional, and negative attention was all I seemed to be looking for. It was not until a very brave and caring individual sat me down and laid it all out for me. In doing so, I was confronted with the hurtful words and actions that had been expressed by me over time. Hearing the things I had said and done hurt, but I could really only focus on how hurt it made other individuals feel. It was this moment where I realized I was wrong. The problems had been located, now it was time to assess and move forward. 

Epictetus also states, “First say to yourself what you would be; and then what you have to do.”

Illustration of Epictetus.

I decided then and there that the way I was living just was not working. I broke down the walls and accepted new ideas. I grounded myself by saying I did not know everything and that it was okay to ask for help. I decided then and there that I would treat others the way I would like to be treated: seriously, respectfully and patiently. 

Failure is a part of life, love it or hate it - Fear it or accept it. Life is all about perception. Will you view failure as something bad, or will you view it as an open-door opportunity to grow? 

Thank you very much for reading - be well! 👣